Introspection of Natalia Alianovna Romanova
by SophieRomanoff
Summary: Short clipped together sentences form a nightmarish view of the early and adolescent life of Natasha Romanoff. Snippets of Natasha's upbringing in The Red Room as seen through the eyes of a brainwashed redheaded child left with nothing but the Red Room conditioning and a head full of thoughts that are not her own. Until there is a spark of light in the dark.


_/_ _TW's for everything the Red Room entails (rape, sexual abuse, torture, physical abuse, murdering children etc etc. Tread carefully._

 _GRAPHIC SCENES OKAY GRAPHIC_

 _Italics are speech._

 _Everything seems stilted and words come in short snippets to really show how Natasha's mind of crude and pretty uncomfortable language. If I cringed writing I know you're gonna cringe reading it. /_

 _Spin._

 _Spin and arms out Natalia, graceful._

 _You're a dancer, made of ice._

 _Not a monkey flailing its arms._

 _Pirouette and feet together, arms higher._

 _Higher, Natalia!_

The crack of a whip hitting something soft.

Bright red flushing across pale spin.

A jaw setting and eyes growing glassier.

 _Again._

 _You want them to like you, to need you, to crave you. All you are doing is making me wonder why we keep you around._

 _I may be getting money for that little body of yours, and god knows you'll surpass your peers at the test but nothing is worth the embarrassment of watching you move like that._

Tight lips and eyes filled with tears that would never fall.

 _A little better._

 _Now again._

…

 _You're fucking beautiful. So sweet and tiny and fuck you're so damned tight. Filling that pussy up._

Bed springs creaking.

Slack jawed and eyes not there directed at the ceiling.

 _So fucking hot, thinking about that little mouth of yours wrapped around my cock drives me crazy._

Moans.

White hot pain from nails digging into skin and something too big in something too small.

 _Fuck!_

Covering skin with discarded clothes.

Emptiness inside.

…

Too paralytic to speak.

Too trained to speak anyway.

Needles sliding into marble skin.

Burning through blood.

Agony like none before.

Mouth opened for screams that didn't come.

Shaking and vomiting and limbs contorting in unnatural ways.

 _The serum isn't working._

 _Then try the next one._

 _Either it works or she dies._

…

 _Snap her neck._

 _But she will die._

 _Do it._

Hands smaller than hers clawing at the flesh of her wrists.

Fighting for freedom.

Fighting for a life that never meant much anyway.

Bones cracking.

A popping sound echoing throughout the room.

Eyes still full of shock.

The dull thud of a body hitting the floor.

Clapping.

 _Well done, Natalia. You will go far._

…

Chained wrists and whispered confessions in the dark.

 _You're my best friend. My sister._

Sharing a single slice of bread.

The first in days.

 _You'll never leave me?_

 _Never._

 _We can make it through this together._

Betrayal in terrified eyes.

A neck that snapped too easily.

Silence in bed that night.

Rolling over to find no one there.

A whole slice of bread to eat.

…

 _Shoot. And don't you dare miss. You know what happens if you miss._

A man on his knees.

Black bag pulled off his head.

Mouth gagged but cries and begs still escaping.

Pleading.

Metal in hand.

Fingers twitching.

An explosion of blood.

Hot liquid splattering across a face that held no emotion.

…

Drugged hazes and screaming until the voice ran hoarse.

 _Now stay still, wouldn't want to damage anything, would we?_

Pain and terror and legs spread.

A man in gloves with instruments in hand.

Agony.

The metal tang of blood.

Children that would never be conceived.

…

Bruises and scars marring perfect skin.

Nails dug too deep, knives too blunt, failed murder attempts and over eager men and women looking for release.

Scars on the soul and mind.

Something that feels like freedom but isn't.

Fresh air with restrictions.

Lives taken without a thought.

Without hesitation.

Sleeping unchained in body but chained in mind.

Made of marble.

 _No place in the world._

…

An American with a bow and arrow.

Blood and pain but no fear.

A hand offered.

 _Come with me._

Sandy hair, blue eyes and bright smiles.

The only light in the dark.

True freedom.

Hope.


End file.
